Hello world, it’s my brain speaking. I have not sat down for a while to write another blogpost. Should I apologize for that? I don’t think so.
I have a million and thirteen pieces (Yes, I’ve I counted them!) sitting in my drafts, that I never published and I probably never will. Usually because “not good enough”. It’s a funny thing perfectionism. In trying to have it perfect and never fail, I got nothing published. Which is a failure in itself. But that’s not the point.
Another reason why I hardly publish anything is because I am afraid of the consequences. What if my future employer is reading along? Which is absurd because usually my boss knows more about me than I know about myself, so no blogpost would probably surprise him/her. It’s a classical “What if” scenario. Those hypothetical scenarios are a common thinking trap. Projecting situations in the future is a guaranteed recipe for anxiety disaster. It’s amazing what you learn when you work for a mental health start-up, and you’re talking to mental health professionals on a daily basis. I only need a black ottoman and I’m practically ready to start counseling.
Let’s talk about that mental health start-up for a moment. With Therachat, we push people with anxiety to do journaling. The act of writing everything down that is occupying your mind, allows one to structure thoughts, process them and in return allows the writer to understand the thoughts, themselves and generate awareness of what’s going on in that brain.
“Where is this all coming from and where is this all going to?” you might ask. I hear you. I wonder that myself as well most of the time.
I am 30 days away from turning 29. My last year in my twenties. I could say that inspires a moment of reflection, but honestly it mostly scares the crap out of me. I always envisioned myself as “I’ll know it all” when I turn 30. But I have less figured out than when I was 21, or so it feels like. (Material for a different post!)
On the verge of a last year in my twenties, that inspires moments of reflection. Where am I? What have I accomplished? What did I learn? But to each upside, there are at least a dozen downsides. What am I afraid of? When have I failed? When did I not push through? With the hope that those answers will inspire me to get the most out of being 29. Going out of my twenties with a bang.
Reflection. How do you do that in a way that makes sense? I didn’t have to think long.. Journaling. Getting it all out. I decided to just do it. Obliging myself to sit down each day for 30 minutes, blast some psychedelic music through my ears and just hammer out the letters and words straight from my brain onto my keyboard. Each post will be a train of thoughts. You either decide to take the ride, not knowing the destination or you drop off somewhere along the lines. Either way: I am fine with it.
I am writing it all down here. Out in the open. Ready to be judged and criticized. In my opinion journaling / writing / blogging or whatever you want to call it is like sex, if you want to do it well, get butt naked, be vulnerable and don’t hide otherwise you might as well not do it.
Here it goes.
Want to follow the ride?